Adolf Hitler

There is a goose inhabiting the river trail near my house who recently decided that his sole purpose in life is to stand in the path and terrorize innocent walkers, bikers, runners, baby animals, and orphans. He started out just hissing but has become more violent with each encounter. I realize he is probably just protecting his wife and unhatched babies but I don't think all the rage is really that necessary. I wouldn't even have known his family lived there had he not been a big fat bully to me every time I passed. I named him Adolf after a historic villain that only astute history buffs like myself have ever heard of...

First encounter: Just a little hissing. Nothing major but enough to show he is serious.

Second encounter: I decide not to move over to the side of the trail. We play a little game of chicken which he won by hissing and not moving out of my way at all.

Third encounter: I am running, Kathryn is riding her bike. I feel like there is no way he will hold his ground against a bike. He does. Kathryn swerves out of the way at the last moment.

Fourth encounter: Today on an out and back style run he is standing on the side of the trail on my way out. I was not in the mood to lose at chicken again so I just went to the far side of the trail to give him space. This was not good enough for him. Once he saw that he had me completely trained and beaten he thought he would pour salt in the wound by chasing me down the path a little bit. Bastard. I escaped.

Fifth encounter: On the way back I saw him from far down the trail. He had taken up a post in the middle of the path and stood there with a new confidence I had never seen before. I watched as another jogger, who was clearly familiar with the iron will of this demon bird, turned around, too afraid to confront the foul beast at all. I prepared myself for what I knew would be a battle of guts and will power. This bird stood between me and home and I was not going to let him win this time. As I approached, the wretched thing adjusted his stance, readying himself for a charge. His beady black eyes pierced into my soul and as he reared his head to hiss, my confidence was shaken. I stopped running but I did not retreat. We stood there staring at each other, grasping the high stakes of the situation, neither one of us willing to make a move. Finally, the goose picked up his ugly black webbed foot and took the tiniest of steps backwards. He was wavering. I took a slow step forwards, never breaking eye contact. Very gradually, and with extreme caution, I forced the foul creature to back down the trail and over to the side. I edged my way around on the side of the path, never turning my back to him. Then, I was free. Adolf left enough space for me to squeeze through without the risk of an attack and I was able to continue my run home. VICTORY! This encounter may have been more dramatic in my mind because of severe sleep deprivation.

Anywho, its my birthday today. I'm 21 now.