EEEWWW!

Happy Valentines Day, But Infinitely More Important: Happy Lupercalia!

I like Valentines Day but only because it is usually associated with me eating chocolate and reading seductively corny one-liners. The real deal begins on February 15th with the Ancient Roman Celebration of the Lupercalia Festival!

Although I am sure that everyone else in the whole

world knows about Lupercalia and celebrates the fertility holiday with enthusiasm and vigor, I will list the steps involved in the very special day:

1) Gather outside the birth-cave of Romulus and Remus (founders of Rome, raised by wolves)

2) Get a priest to sacrifice a dog and a goat

3) If you are a guy: slice goat into strips, dip in blood, and run around slapping women with the pieces

4) If you are a girl: go to the nearest field of crops and wait to be slapped with bloody goat pieces. Don't worry, it isn't demoralizing because each time a dirty, blood drenched piece of meat touches your skin, you become more fertile for a year!!!

Thats pretty much the gist of it. So, have a fun Valentines Day but don't forget about Lupercalia on the 15th!